ft. ‘Bad Trip’ & Matzo Brei

April 2, 2021 by Sydney Grant

Welcome to the weekend and welcome to April. It seems like just yesterday we were panic-cleaning our groceries and now here we are! Orange tier looks good on you, Los Angeles. Whether you’re celebrating Passover, Easter, or the fact that you made it to Friday, I’m wishing you a happy holiday. And ICYMI, a new dinosaur was discovered this week named the llukalkan aliocranianus, meaning “one who causes fear.” So basically, me before my morning coffee.

However you’re planning on spending your weekend, enjoy these quarantivities!

Quarant-streams

‘Bad Trip‘

Watch this if you love Bad Grandpa or Borat:

Imagine this — it’s movie night and you’re watching with someone whom you love very much, but who curls their lips in disgust at the mere mention of Marvel. Their go-to movie night pick is Clueless and you’ve decided that if you have to watch Cher in her altogether-too-much-plaid outfit one more time you will like, literally explode. You know that even bringing up the new episode of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier would be a waste of your breath and “don’t even think about that stupid movie about the giant ape and dinosaur fighting each other!!” So, what do you do? You suggest a rom-com, of course. They gleefully hand you the remote, in disbelief that you not only obliged to watching one of their favorite genres but actually suggested it! “So what’ll it be?? The Princess Bride? 27 Dresses? Clueless???” “No,” you reply, attempting to stifle the evil laughter bubbling just beneath the surface of your calm demeanor. “We’re watching Bad Trip.”

If you made it this far, thank you for supporting me and my bit that went on for far too long. (I need an editor!) However, I felt that a movie this outrageously hilarious deserved an equally as outrageously hilarious (okay, sort of maybe funny-ish) intro. Bad Trip was produced by the co-creator of Jackass Jeff Tremaine and stars Eric Andre, Lil Rey Howery, and Tiffany Haddish, which probably tells you everything you need to know about what type of movie this is. From sneaking into a gorilla enclosure at the zoo to asking some poor passerby to help them bust out of a prison transport vehicle, the movie follows the Bad Grandpa and Borat formula by using actual, unsuspecting people in the outlandish pranks that dominate the partially scripted, partially unscripted film. And it’s all so one of the main characters can get the girl! I told you it was a rom-com! Celebrate April Fools a little late this year and treat yourself to this cinematic masterpiece this weekend. You’d be Clueless not to. Ha! I’ll see myself out.

Stream it via Netflix.

‘Seaspiracy’

Watch this if you’re trying to kick your sushi addiction:

According to Ali Tabrizi, the star and director of Netflix’s new documentary Seaspiracy, something fishy’s going on in our oceans and no, he’s not talking about the fish. The film spends 90 minutes explaining that our oceans are in serious trouble and — get this — your Sugarfish addiction is to blame. Now hold the handroll — I thought fish was the lesser of the earth-polluting evils!? Isn’t red meat the main issue here? Alas, my fellow fish-ionado, apparently the commercial fishing industry is just as bad, leading to mass amounts of nets and plastics polluting the waters, as well as a shocking revelation that those “dolphin friendly” labels you see on your tuna cans are not actually dolphin-friendly at all. And Blackfish had me thinking Seaworld was the villain all along!

But before you watch this documentary and then proceed to allow it to ruin your enjoyment of poke bowls forever, I should point out that several of the interviewees have already come forward and complained that their quotes were taken out of context. One of the statistics included has also been pointed out as straight incorrect by marine biologists, so take Tabrizi’s claims with a grain of salt (water). However, one thing everyone can agree on is that, like the rest of our planet, our oceans need our help. So whether the real conspiracy here lies within Seaspiracy itself, or the commercial fishing industry is just trying to cover up its own fins, get “woke” this weekend and check out this controversial doc that the majority of your Insta feed has probably been talking about all week. And hey, look on the bright side — if it ruins your appetite for fish, at least you’ll be saving all that money on overpriced LA sushi.

Stream it via Netflix.

Quarant-reads

‘Who Is Maud Dixon?‘ by Alexandra Andrews

Read this if you knew that JK Rowling publishes crime novels under the alias Robert Galbraith:

Who is Maud Dixon? To the world, she is a best-selling author, famously known for her psychological thriller that’s currently #trending. However, to her new assistant and aspiring novelist, Florence, she’s a woman named Helen with a drinking problem that’s struggling to write her second novel. In the beginning of this darkly deceiving thriller, Helen is painted as the villain, but as you rip through these pages and this story, you’ll soon realize that these characters are perhaps not as they seem. The most important question this novel poses is not actually “Who is Maud Dixon” at all but, rather, which one of them is most deserving of the name.

Purchase via Amazon.

Quarant-eats

Matzo Brei via Alison Roman:

Make this to celebrate Passover (and also bc it’s the best EVER):

Serves 2-4

I’d say the two most important steps to success here are properly frying the onions (till frizzled and fried around the edges, tender the whole way through) and adequately soaking the matzo (the matzo should feel like it’s soaked but not soggy, pliable but with some integrity left). Do both of these things correctly and you, too, will fall in love with matzo brei and make Dan Roman proud.

2 tablespoons neutral oil, like grapeseed, canola or vegetable

1 large onion, thinly sliced

kosher salt, freshly ground black pepper

4 lightly salted matzo boards

6 large eggs

2 tablespoons unsalted butter

finely chopped chives, scallions and/or dill, for serving (optional)

sour cream or full fat greek yogurt, for serving (optional)

1. Heat oil in a medium/large non-stick skillet (regular stainless steel skillet works fine, too). Add onion and season with salt and pepper. Cook, tossing occasionally until the onions are completely tender with a deep, dark brown color and fried and frizzled edges, 8–10 minutes. Taste them along the way and make sure they’re salty and peppery enough.

2. Once the onions are where you want them to be, whisk your eggs in a large bowl just like you’re making a scramble; season with salt and pepper.

3. Break up the matzo into quarters (if they break up further that’s fine) and place in a large bowl. Cover with hot water (I use tap water) and let them soak for 60–90 seconds. They should feel pliable and soft without feeling soggy— like they were caught in the rain, not drowned in the ocean.

4. With your hands, remove matzo from the water and squeeze out any extra water. Add to the scrambled eggs and using a spatula, fold them in. Let them sit a minute or two to get that matzo intimate with those eggs.

5. Season egg/matzo mixture with salt and pepper and add to the fried onions along with the 2 tablespoons of butter. Cook over medium heat until the eggs just start to scramble and set, about a minute (this happens very fast; try not to over scramble or the matzo brei could be dry).

6. Remove from heat and finish with flaky salt and more pepper, shower with dill and chives if you’ve got ‘em. Serve with sour cream (or whatever you like).

DO AHEAD: This is a pretty last-minute thing with everything coming together so quickly, but speaking from experience, eating this cold the next day is still a fantastic experience.

Strawberry Tiramisu via Food & Wine:

Bake this to brighten up any Easter table: